‘Style’ by Ceemb

 Fashion? -Don’t talk to me about that

I’ve spent years and years of my life too fat.

The other times I’ve seemed too thin,

I never know if I’m out of fashion or in!

I’ve squeezed my feet into narrow shoes

that blister my toes and cause them to bruise.

I’ve worn my jeans low on my hips

and shown the world how I love my chips!

Donned many a skirt that’s pencil thin,

squashed into trousers like a second skin!

Worn cropped tops, and ‘let it all hang out’

and haven’t a clue what’s ‘in’ or ‘out’.

I always seem to be a season behind

so tell myself I’m not fashion-inclined.

Then I look around for what I think suits,

and end up with 2 bras, and a pair of boots!

I don’t wear green, and can’t wear red

and brown is a shade in which I won’t be seen dead.

So, I think I’ll try a brand new tack,

but inevitably end up all in black.

My bum’s too flat, my legs are skinny

you can’t cure this Suzannah and Trinny!

I’ve a droopy bust and a flabby belly

I’m not even a pear shape, I’m an inverted kelly!

To get the trousers to fit my hips

I’d have to be eight foot six.

I’m more circular than the M25

This is not a road down which to drive.

I have the ultimate inflatable figure

I’ve made it smaller and made it bigger,

swathed

it in leather, silk and plastic

done some things that are truly drastic,

but still, it always seems to be

that clothes look bloody daft on me!

And before your thoughts become quite crude

you would not want to see me nude –

there are too many lumps and bumps by far

spilling out of the knickers or over the bra

and you may find that funny, but do not scoff

for where will it all go if I take things off?

It’s best all restrained by bra and pants

rather than rolling south like an avalanche!

But I’ll keep on looking, and you never can tell,

next season could see the end of my fashion hell!